


Does that scare you?

by seainstorm



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Mental Health Issues, Ouch, Pain, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seainstorm/pseuds/seainstorm
Summary: Peter has a different relationship with death than most...it's followed him around his entire life.A short, no dialogue drabble that delves into Peter's feelings towards death. Not exactly dark, just sad. Like... really sad.
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Does that scare you?

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo this is what happens when I don't write for 5 months. I'm sorry about how sad this is. 
> 
> The text in italics is from Sam Smith's song, To Die For, but the actual text is a monologue from Donnie Darko (fun fact, the character that says these lines is played by Jake Gyllenhaal)
> 
> Uhhh...enjoy? I guess?

_ "It is if everyone dies alone" _

_ "Does that scare you?" _

_ "I don't want to be alone" _

The thing is, Peter knows that being Spiderman will kill him one day. It's not a question of if, but when. He has super healing, but he's not immortal. Enough hits, enough blood loss, it could be the thing that takes him down once and for all. 

_ Does that scare you? _

Every time he comes back injured from a patrol, he can see the worry in the creases on May's forehead, the tint of it coloring Tony's voice. He knows. They know. No one talks about it. Saying it out loud would just make it real.

One day, he might not come back. 

_ Does that scare you? _

It isn't that he doesn't think about it. He does. Every night, when he pulls on the mask, he knows that it could just be the last time. Each time he hears a scream or a shot or the squeal of tires on pavement, there's a tiny moment where he realises that this could be it. His last fight. 

_ Does that scare you? _

Sometimes, he wonders if that's the true meaning of being a hero. Not bravery, but the willingness to throw your life away for someone you don't know. Not some sixth sense, but pure, dumb luck, being in the right place at the right time. 

_ Does that scare you? _

The thing is, he is scared of dying. He doesn't think he's ready to let it all go,  _ again.  _ The first time he died  _ (that sounded so wrong…) _ , it wasn't a choice. One minute he was looking around a red choked planet and the next minute his senses were screaming  **danger, danger, danger,** except there was nothing to do, no place to run as his whole body turned to dust.

He doesn't want it to happen again. Not like that. Not for no reason. Not as a sick mind game of some alien with a god complex.

It's a dark, dark thought, but he wants it to be worth it. He doesn't want to regret his life, any of it. Not even the way he gives it up. He wants to know he saved someone, that he died for someone. One last heroic act to be remembered by.

_ Does that scare you? _

He knows someone his age shouldn't be thinking about death in such terms. But then again, how many kids his age can consider Death an old friend?

Peter does. It first spread its black wings over his life when he was ripped from his parents arms at four years old. It was blasted away at the last moment when he was 10, at an Expo that turned into chaos in a heartbeat. When he was 14, Death bloomed across the shirt of the closest thing he had to a father, and he could feel it's stickiness on his hands for months after, see it's dark red tint when he closed his eyes. At 15, a night that should have been unforgettable for so many other reasons became an escape from Death's clutches. Once in the warehouse, then again in the fires that lit Coney Island with hellish light. 

He was 16 when it caught him again, for what he thought was the last time. Titan felt like an ending, like the final page of a too-short book.

So when he was brought back to life, it felt like a second chance. A new book. A chance to do it right this time. 

_ Does that scare you? _

So, no matter what, each night, he pulls on that mask and heads into the streets. He's living on borrowed time, and every second counts.

So that when he goes, he can know for a fact. 

**It was worth it.**

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, sorry 😥  
> I don't know where this came from....


End file.
